18 Languages for Modern Love

May 17, 2021 MaJhane aka MamMaJ Episode 65
18 Languages for Modern Love
Show Notes Transcript

Have you ever taken the 5 love languages quiz but it didn't resonate with you? I just might have the solution you didn't know you needed!

In this week's episode, we are starting with a full-body scan guided meditation. Body scan meditations are a great way to reduce anxiety, improve your sleep, increase your lovingkindness for yourself, and reduce pain.  Even if you don't think those benefits relate to you, body scans are a great way to stay mindful and connected to your body.

Afterward, I share a version of the love languages that are more inclusive and open to all types of relationships. These are referred to as the 18 Love Languages for Modern Love created by certified sex and relationship educator Anne Hodder-Shipp. I know jumping from 5 languages to 18 seems like more work but once you listen to the breakdown and reasoning for this updated version, you're going to be as floored as I was!

References from the episode:
Anne Hodder-Shipp's website
The 18 Languages for Modern Love Ebook

Meditation music provided by Chris Collins at
DP the Unknown provides episode theme music titled "Here/If"

Be sure to follow the social media accounts to stay updated on episodes, highlights, and behind-the-scenes pics. 🤗

Support the show

Hello my babies as I've mentioned this is your girl MaJhane AKA MamMaJ my pronouns are she her hers and you are listening to MamMaJ(ism). Thank you for deciding to listen in on this talk of love and honest conversation so let's get into it.

How many of you are familiar with the five love languages? You know we have online typing five love languages you take the quiz and then it let you know if you are either more into words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch that ring a bell? okay well we're not talking about that today we are a little bit but I know there are people out there who may be don't resonate with the five love languages like you kind of connect with it but it doesn't really hit the nail on the head for you and your situation. Well guess what I have a solution for you that's right instead of 5 Love Languages how do 18 sound? Hear me out okay this is going to blow your mind By the time you finish this episode you will learn more about Anne Hodder-Shipp, why she created these inclusive Love Languages, and what the 18 languages for Modern Love are, so sit tight and let's get into it.

Let's go ahead and start with the basics so who is Anne Hodder-Shipp well they are a certified sex and relationship educator who's worked in the field of sexuality since 2007. So you already know she is coming from a place of experience and passion. Now moving on to the what. What is the 18 languages for Modern Love? Well it's an inclusive look on the way that we connect in relationships. So start to make sense right but why if we know that there are five love language is already why switch things up in my own about 18 I know I thought I thought the same thing don't even trip but let's take a look into what the five love languages are about let list of us going to some background details so the creator of the five love languages is Gary Chapman who is a marriage counselor in minister with academic roots in religious education, Theology, and philosophy. Which is all well and fine but with that background information and you already know that the love languages were intended for heterosexual relationships. We all know we live in a world now where everything is not so black-and-white and cookie cutter there's a lot of gray area going on you know we have people who are in monogamous relationships, polyamorous relationships, all things in between that I can think of right now but exist you are valid I see you and Anne Hodder-Shipp sees you too. So you already know I'm MamMaJ and here at MamMaJ(ism) land I'm glad we are all about inclusivity and being a voice for the unheard so when I found out about these 18 Love Languages I was like sign me the hell up let me go ahead and buy this ebook read it and then share it with my people because I think that this is a cooler way to explore the different ways that we love and show love to other people and that's romantic platonic familial whatever these languages fit into any mold whatever that you're into.

I wish that I could spend hours talking about the intricacies of each love language but don't worry there is an e-book that I am going to link in the show notes and post on my socials so that y'all tap in with Miss Anne Hodder-Shipp and support her ebook it is 9.99 and it's online as an e-book so you get the PDF file of it and you're able to read it and with this book I love how she frames it because her she talks about why she created this book and the way that you want to kind of go about reading it and learning about them and seeing how it resonates with you. What I'm going to do for the sake of time I'm going to say each love language and I'm going to give one example for what it could look like an example of what it should not look like.

These are the 18 languages for Modern Love by Anne Hodder-Shipp number one accountability this can look like following through on change this should not look like making a both sides argument number two active listening this is an open, Curious mind this is not you saying “hm, cool” number 3 acts of empathy this can look like saying something like “do you want advice or do you just feel heard” that is such a good question this does not look like waiting for your turn to share number for affirming communication this can look like supportive words during challenges this does not look like saying something like thanks you too number 5 bestowing this is something giving without expectation of reciprocity this is not an apology replacement number 6 emotional labor this can look like managing emotions and challenging situations and this is not what some would consider “Woman's Work” This is for everybody any and everybody number 7 engaged experiences this can look like watching each other's favorite show this does not look like an excuse to take an expensive vacation number 8 intentional time this looks like deliberately scheduling it and this does not look like piggybacking on someone else's time number 9 personal growth this is setting and respecting boundaries this is not expecting others to grow with you number 10 platonic touch this in example of that can be using a weighted blanket what it is not is foreplay or asking for sex number 11 problem solving this can be you asking what can I do this is not unsolicited suggestions number 12 providing this can look like a sugar mama or a sugar daddy this does not look like enforcement of gender roles number 13 shared beliefs this can look like a preferred relationship style and this does not look like agreeing on everything number 14 solidarity this can look like calling out microaggression and this does not look like defending a perpetrator because they're a friend number 15 teamwork which can look like doing a puzzle together and it does not mean dependent on your partner number 16 is thoughtful service this can look like holding the door open for a stranger this does not mean tit-for-tat scorekeeping number 17 is undivided attention this can be attentive body language and this is not responding to texts during lulls last week number 18 is Skilling which is another word for learning from others or learning from each other and this can look like receiving with gratitude and this does not look like lecturing or soapboxing.

I know that was a lot to take in and I wish that I could share more examples because wow when I read the book I was like the more examples I received I was like okay I like that I like that 

I urge you if you can if you have the 9.99 to go ahead and tap in and check out that ebook because i read it and i just felt more seen. There were certain things in there that i never really knew how to word thats how i felt you know. I’m glad that im not the only one and that i can like put a name to it or i can tell someone hey for my modern love language these are some of the things that are really important to me and mean a lot.

If you're like me and you like to have supplementary tools with your reading like how the five love languages has a quiz accompanied. I did reach out to the author and she let me know that she doesn't currently have a quiz for it but she is in the works of creating a worksheet that's kind of more of like a yes/no/maybe situation because she does she does want to steer clear from the whole quiz thing because she noticed that people have this idea of tell me which one I am instead of let me read this and see which one resonates with my mind and my body and I think that that is brilliant because I did find myself with the five love languages quiz asking myself or think to myself oh which one am I going to be which one am I going to be when you know I have so many different dimensions to me that some days it's going to be one more than the other and with these Modern Love Languages it allows you to see that you can be all of these things at the same time you know there's no right or wrong answer or there's no one above the other it's just whichever ones resonate with you the most. I just really love this and I wanted to share with all of you and I hope that you check it out and see if it's something that might be more in tune with what you got going on and I also want to add that one great thing about this ebook is that it's meant for as I mentioned earlier it's not just for a heterosexual couples or people who are in couples to begin with maybe you're on a solo Journey whatever the case may be like this ebook is perfect for people who just want to better their interpersonal relationships with people and that is why I love it so much so go ahead and be sure to check that out .

The challenge for this week is to spend some time looking into these Modern Love Languages if you don't want to buy the book I understand think about it consider it I really really truly recommended it. I think that it's a lovely book to have on hand. Even if not go ahead and check out her Instagram and her website everything will be linked in the show notes so be sure to check her out. Another part of the challenge I want you to do is to go back and listen to the list of the languages and see which ones resonate with you and then do more research on your own if you want to see how you can continue to cultivate that and nurture those parts of you. Remember that the beauty of these Modern Love Languages is that you are able to resonate with more than one more than 6 it's whatever for you so thank you so much for tuning in it's always a pleasure and I'll see you next time much love always bye.